Introduction
We often hear from people around us, “We never kissed…but I feel like I betrayed them” or “ There’s no physical stuff involved, but I've fallen emotionally” Well, emotional cheating is often dismissed because it lacks physical intimacy and can’t be seen in an obvious way, yet it can cause equal emotional damage if not more,to any relationship that experiences it. This blog explores what emotional cheating is, how it differs from platonic closeness and why people fall into it.
What is emotional cheating?
Emotional cheating involves forming a deep emotional connection with someone outside the relationship in a way that creates secrecy, emotional intimacy, or priority over a partner. It involves secrecy, wherein one or both the partners hide their meetings or messages with a third party. Secondly, emotional cheating involves emotional displacement where a partner now chooses to confide in someone else about their emotional needs first before they approach their partner. Lastly, it involves hypothetical fantasies wherein the partner imagines “what if” scenarios with the person which might be sexual or non sexual in nature.
Where is the line crossed?
The differentiation of platonic friendships and emotional cheating are that in emotional cheating, people participate in non sexual behaviours and conversations which might ideally happen between a couple who is in a committed relationship. Along with that, the line is crossed when some of the most crucial information or feelings expressed about one’s life is talked by the partner to someone else repeatedly because they feel more comfortable doing that than bringing it up in their own relationship. On the other hand, even though two individuals care for each other in a platonic relationship, they might not include outsourcing of emotional needs especially if one or both the individuals are in separate committed relationships.
Why do people emotionally cheat?
There are several reasons why one may be involved in emotional cheating. Some of them are-
- Emotional starvation and silent erosion of communication- Long term relationships lack emotional vitality, not due to malice, but because of emotional fatigue. When one doesn’t feel seen in the relationship, they are more likely to seek comfort through external means merely due to self preservation
- Avoidance of emotional labour - Relationships as they age tend to require both the individuals to uncover their ways of thinking about life,their flaws and their insecurities. This can mean that people need to be accountable and responsible for the things they say and their actions. They need to face conflicts which can be very emotionally heavy to deal with for some. Hence, it’s easier to seek solace in something which is rather light, with no strings and still exciting
- Cultural scripts and denial - We live in a world that oversexualizes betrayal, but underestimates emotional intimacy. In some collectivistic cultures, it is common to see people practice interdependence more than individualistic cultures which makes emotional cheating ignored or even unknown in plain sight.
Final thoughts
Emotional cheating isn’t just a relationship crisis,it’s a mirror.The way out isn’t moral policing but radical honesty:What was missing?Why was that part of you unreachable to your partner? Healing comes not just through ending the emotional affair, but rebuilding the relational ecosystem that allowed it to grow
